


Bittersweet Memory

by abananapepper



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Backstory, Gen, No Romance, Original Character(s), Pre-Canon, Robin only shows up for like 2 seconds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-03-06 16:49:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3141674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abananapepper/pseuds/abananapepper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of Gaius before he joined the Shepherds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

"Gaius?" Robin asked, poking her head into the kitchen.

"Hm? Oh," the thief looked up from his mixing bowl to glance over his shoulder. "Heya, Bubbles. Just in time. Taste this for me?" He held out a wooden mixing spoon to her, filled with some purple, liquidy substance.

"What is it?" Robin eyed the spoon carefully. After Tharja had tried to hex her by spiking her drink with some weird potion, she'd been wary of unidentified, seemingly edible substances.

"Fruit pie filling. It's really important that I get this one right, so let me know how it is?"

Oh. So that was it. Robin took the spoon and brought it to her lips, considering the flavor. "It's fantastic, Gaius. I didn't know you knew how to cook."

He smiled a little, taking the spoon back and returning to his work. "Picked it up along the way."

"Why sweets, though?"

"Hmm?"

"Why are you so hooked on sweets?"

"Oh. I just didn't get them much as a kid, I guess. Man, was I missing out. I have to make up for all that lost time, you know?"

Robin couldn't say she did, but she didn't question it. Really, she didn't know much about Gaius, or where he'd come from, what his life had been like. To be fair, she didn't know much about herself in those respects, either, but it seemed weird for her to not know the history of her comrades.

She opened her mouth to speak, but Gaius was absentmindedly stirring his pie filling, his mind somewhere else. Deciding that this probably wasn't the best time to ask him about it, she started setting up to make dinner; it was her night to serve the company, and if she didn't get a move on, Lissa would be in the kitchen at her elbows, asking how long until they could all eat.


	2. The Fire

"Gaius!" a voice shrieked through the house. Gaius rubbed his eyes, waking from what had been an excellent dream. It took him a moment before he realized his room was uncomfortably hot, and that it was hard to breathe. "Gaius!" the voice called again, panicked.

"Mom?" The boy called back. "Mom!"

He leapt out of his bed and into the hallway of their small one-story house, coughing. His mother was in the front room, a handkerchief in front of her mouth. Thick, black smoke rolled through the room, and neither one of them could not stop wheezing.

"Come on!" his mother commanded. "Get outside!"

He nodded, taking her hand and rushing for the door, avoiding the fire that seemed to have a life and mind of its own. There was a deafening crack from above the two of them as they moved, and instinctively, Gaius's mother shoved her son out the door. He stumbled, turning around to see his mother engulfed in a flaming chunk of what used to be a support beam for their roof.

"Mom!" he screamed. _"Mom!"_

She didn't respond. She didn't even look up. Gaius felt tears well in his eyes, continually yelling to his mother from the street. He was young, and scared; too scared to go back into the flaming mass he'd once called home.

"Sounded like a kid over here!" he heard a voice yell gruffly through the streets. Gaius whirled around, eyes scanning the smoke-filled streets. It seemed every other house in town was burning to the ground; everything he'd ever known, reduced to smoke and flames. A gruff man wielding a large ax came lumbering into view, snarling at the boy. "Here, sheepy sheepy…"

Not knowing what else he could do, Gaius ran the other way, as fast as his little legs could carry him. He wasn't even sure where he was going, he only knew he had to get away. Once far enough away from the village that he couldn't smell the smoke anymore, he scrambled up the nearest tree, looking out into the night at the flames that licked the skyline. He wasn't being chased anymore, leaving him to stare out at the bandits that decimated his home.

When he'd heard about the war between Plegia and Ylisse, it'd always been in passing. He'd been too busy playing, or doing chores, or eating dinner to really pay much attention to it. He'd always thought it was some sort of far-off thing, something that would never touch his own town. His father had gone to fight for Ylisse, but even after he left, Gaius never saw the war as a real threat; his dad left "just in case," in his mind. It wasn't until only days ago that he realized just how real this war was.

His distress renewed at the thought of his father. They'd received word that his father had died in combat, which had marked the beginning of Gaius's understanding of the war. Now his mother was gone, too. What was he supposed to do? Where was he supposed to go?

The adrenalin drained from his system, and tiredness began to settle in. Despite how angry, upset, and alone he felt, there was nothing he could do tonight but stay hidden.

Positioning himself among the branches so he wouldn't fall out in the middle of the night, he leaned against the trunk of the tree. He tried his best to sleep, but every noise startled him; the rustle of the wind in the trees, the yells from his village, the cries of animals in the night. He managed, after what seemed to be days, to doze off into dreamless sleep.


	3. Elis

"-y. Hey. Hey!"

It was the second time in a row Gaius had woken up to someone yelling at him. The first time had saved his life; now though, it seemed like someone was just trying to get his attention. He opened his eyes and leaned forward, immediately regretting it. He was stiff from sleeping in the tree all night, and no matter how he stretched, he couldn't make the aches in his back, neck, or limbs subside.

"You awake now?"

Right. The voice from below.

He looked down into the face of a boy who was maybe his own age, but probably a few years older. Upon closer inspection, yes, he was certainly at least a few years older. He didn't look anything like the Plegians that had raided his town the night before, and didn't speak with their accent. His hair was a dark blue, and swept over just above his brown eyes. He did look sketchy, though; he dressed in dark clothes with more pockets than Gaius could count, probably filled to the brim with dangerous items, and seemed to have a short sword dangling by his hip.

Then again, the boy looked nimble enough that if he'd wanted to kill Gaius, he would have climbed into the tree and done it while he was asleep, rather than startling him awake by shouting down at the base of it.

Gaius was debating what he should do, ending up not saying or doing anything.

"I'm Elis," the boy offered after Gaius still hadn't offered up anything. "We heard about the village burning too late. Sorry we didn't come in time, or help, or anything."

Gaius wasn't sure what to say, a sudden pang of loneliness and loss hitting him. As though he'd thought that maybe last night had been a dream, and he'd woken up in a tree by accident. He was sure Elis meant well, but it wasn't exactly something he wanted to talk about at this point.

"Can you get down?" Elis asked. There was an interesting thought. Could he?

Gaius looked down at the tree branches below him, each seeming too far for his little legs to reach. He wondered how he'd even gotten up the tree in the first place the night before. He stretched out his left leg toward the nearest tree limb, his toes finding it, but his instincts told him that he'd fall if he tried to put his weight onto that leg. He shifted his weight so he was sitting the way he'd slept the night before.

"No," Gaius said quietly.

"What was that?"

"No," Gaius repeated, louder this time.

Elis broke into a peel of laughter that dissolved into giggles.

"Alright, Whiskers, we'll get you down from there," he said between laughs, hustling out of Gaius's view.

"'Whiskers'?" Gaius asked himself under his breath.

Before long, a burly man that could have been a cousin to the Plegian who'd spotted the boy the night before lumbered up to the tree. Gaius backed himself up against the trunk, trying to make himself as small and unnoticeable as humanly possible. Of course, doing this obscured what view he'd had of the man.

"Whiskers?" Elis's voice called from below. Gaius didn't say anything. He may have been stuck up a tree, but at least he was safe up where no one could reach him. "Well, he is up there, Buddy." Elis commented to his new companion. "And he said he was stuck. He's just…" Elis paused, searching for the right word, "shy."

"You're sure I won't scare him?" the man asked, voice deep and gruff. Elis must have given a visual clue to the man, because suddenly, Gaius could hear the sound of branches groaning under the weight of, undoubtedly, the burly monster that probably spelled out the new orphan's demise. Gaius closed his eyes and waited.

"Ah. Here you are," the deep voice grunted as Gaius felt his tree limb shake. He'd been found. Gaius braced himself. "Well then. Down you go." Just like that, he was lifted up across the man's shoulder. He groaned inwardly, still sore and stiff. "Hold on tight, yeah?" And then they were descending. Involuntarily, Gaius tensed around the man despite his protesting muscles, willing himself to not fall off.

"You're almost to the ground, Whiskers," Elis narrated as they climbed down. "You're good, you're good… one more branch… you're good."

The man carefully untangled Gaius's fingers from his shirt before setting him down on the ground. "You okay?" he asked. Gaius nodded once, still shaken both from the experience of A) not being killed by someone who he felt should have killed him, and B) being tossed over a man's shoulder in order to get down from a tree. He tried stretching again, hoping that being able to stand while stretching would have a better affect than sitting in a tree while stretching would have. "What's your name, kid?" the man asked, crouching down to be eye level with him.

"Gaius," he replied quietly, deciding that he could trust this big man who looked Plegian but didn't boast the accent or typical demeanor.

In that moment, he felt infinitely small. Next to this big man, who had to crouch to talk to him, who looked similar to the men who killed both his mother and possibly his father, who talked in such a soft voice to prevent scaring him further, he felt small, and sad, and pathetic. Not knowing what else to do, the boy latched onto the man's shirt again and began weeping into his broad chest.

The man hesitated, then put an arm around the child. "You've been though a lot, huh?" he asked softly. "And you did your best to stay safe, and strong. And you did it! You did good, kid. You're safe now. Go ahead and cry."

"But boys don't cry," Elis said defiantly, sounding a little annoyed. He was promptly and harshly shushed by the man.

"Everyone cries, Elis. Don't try and pretend you haven't." He turned away from the blue-haired boy. "He's lost a lot within the space of one night. He's allowed to." And then, to himself, the man added, "He's just a kid. He shouldn't be expected to be that strong."

Gaius pressed his face into the man's shirt and cried.


	4. Meeting The Company

Gaius opened his eyes, the world slowly and sleepily coming into view. He stared up at what he expected to be the sky, but instead, he saw a dully colored tent above him. He sat up straight, whipping his head around to figure out where he was.

"Ah," said a familiar voice beside him. "You are awake." Gaius focused on the large man sitting beside the bed in a chair, an open book in one broad hand. Suddenly, the events of the previous day came rushing back to the boy. After being rescued from the tree, Elis and the man he called Buddy lead Gaius back to camp. Buddy, realizing Gaius wasn't ready for any attention from any more new people, gave him his tent and cot, and made sure he didn't have any visitors for the day. Gaius had found some string to play with, and worked on the few knots that he knew, and then on the string games the girl two houses down used to play with him. He didn't remember falling asleep, but he must have.

"How're you feeling?" Buddy asked, closing his book. Gaius shrugged. He felt a little better. He still had the dull ache of loss gnawing at the back of his mind and the edge of his stomach, but it was easier to push it out of the way than it had been before. And a proper night's sleep in a real bed had done wonders for him. "I'm Fenz, by the way," the man offered after a brief moment of silence. "But you can call me Buddy, if you want. I figure Elis called me that enough in front of you for you to get used to that." No response. Fenz smiled a little. "Think you're ready to meet the rest of the company?"

To be honest, Gaius wasn't sure if he was or not. What he really wanted to do was fall back asleep, unmake himself, unmake the world around him, return to a time when there was nothing in the world. But in the back of his head, he could hear his mother sighing, "Oh, Gaius, don't be so dramatic." And eventually, this group of people would pack up and move on. He couldn't just stay here and expect them to leave Fenz's tent and bed for him so he could curl up in a ball forever. What about when he got old? When he was 182, would he still be curled up in this bed?

"I guess so," Gaius said. Fenz gave him a hearty thump on the back, jostling the orange-haired boy forward.

"'Atta boy!" Fenz said gleefully. In an instant, he was at the tent flap, pulling it open, letting in what was arguably the most blinding light Gaius had ever seen. "Hey, everyone! Come meet the kid!" he yelled into the camp.

Squinting, Gaius slipped out of the bed, over to Fenz, and out into the sunlight. By the time his eyes adjusted, there was a small crowd gathered around him, looking him up and down. He waved once, shyly.

"Alright then, everyone, this is Gaius, the one Elis and I told you about from yesterday."

"But we should call him Whiskers," Elis piped up.

"No, Elis, we're not going to…"

"But he was stuck in a tree! Like a cat!"

"Elis," one woman said commandingly. The boy shut up.

"Alright," Fenz sighed, gathering himself again. He became as jovial as he'd been a moment ago. "From left to right. You know Elis. Next we have Anrew, our best archer." He gestured to a beanpole of a teenager. He was pale, with a splattering of freckles across his nose. Mussy brown bangs flopped into his face, but the rest of it was just barely long enough to stay in the tiny ponytail Anrew had fashioned at the back of his head.

"The only archer we have, I might add," Anrew laughed.

"Nonetheless!" Fenz argued, then moved on. "Next is Annie, our war cleric."

Annie was a short, plump young woman with a Feroxi complexion. Her short blonde hair clung close to her face, framing it. Her eyes were a deep green, the color of tree leaves in early summer. She raised a hand in greeting. "Yo!" she grinned widely.

"Then we have Enden, our mage."

A tired-looking man smiled a little, his grey eyes scanning Gaius, and running a hand through jet black hair. "Nice to meet ya, kid," he said in a gruff, sleepy voice. From the looks of it, someone (probably Elis) had drug him out of a deep sleep to come to the impromptu meeting.

"And then," he gestured to the woman who had shut Elis up, "Commander Risslyn."

Commander Risslyn was a tall, muscular woman, with long, curly blonde hair tied into a single, low ponytail on the left side of her head. She crossed her arms, pursed her lips, and looked at Gaius through wood-brown, scrutinizing eyes.

"So. You're Gaius," she said. "I'm sure you're more than a bit surprised to see a woman in command around here." She stressed the word 'woman.' The company collectively groaned.

"Here we go," Anrew sighed. She went on as if she hadn't heard any of them.

"I worked damn hard to become a leader in a war of primarily men, and I'm still working damn hard to be taken seriously by anyone outside our company. Men expect us all to be gentle little flowers, healing and riding horses with wings through the sky, waiting to be shot full of arrows. No man expects to see a woman on horseback with a sword, and they don't take you as a serious threat. Which does have its tactical advantages, I'll admit, but it's degrading and repulsive. When Annie wanted a weapon, I damned well gave her one. Women are not delicate, we are not fragile, and we're not waiting around for someone stronger to come save us. So I expect, no, I demand no less than absolute respect from everyone in this group because I sure as hell don't get it from outside parties more often than not."

The world seemed to hold its breath for Gaius's answer. The boy responded with the only thing that came to mind.

"Once, a thief broke into our house, and my mom knocked him out cold with a frying pan before he could get away. It was really amazing."

Everyone broke into laughter. She thumped Gaius on the back the way Fenz had earlier. "Welcome aboard, Gaius." Fenz grinned at him.

"Now just to figure out what weapon you'd be best with so you can—"

"Wait," Gaius said, backing away slightly. "What do you mean, weapon?"

"Well, to stay with us, you're going to need to pull your weight…"

"When did I agree to staying with you?" he demanded. He'd expected to be dropped off at an orphanage in the next town they were going to, or something. He wasn't sure that this was a better option. Killing people just because those people killed other people didn't seem to fix much of anything. Then again, these people had already accepted him, and tried to make him feel a part of their group. "Don't I get any say in this?"

"Of course," Risslyn said, cutting off whatever Fenz was about to say. She shot Fenz a scathing look. "I had assumed you'd already been asked." She turned back to Gaius. "We pack up camp tomorrow morning. We'll find a spare bedroll for you to spend the night in, and tomorrow you can give me your decision. If you decide not to, we can see if the next town we go to has any place that can take you."

"Thank you," Gaius said, feeling a lot better now that he knew he actually had control over something going on in his life. It felt like all of his control had been wrenched from him by the Plegians, and then by Elis.

"He can sleep in my tent!" Elis piped up.

"No," Annie said immediately, "he can't. I'm sure that's the last thing he needs."

"I've got room in mine, then," Anrew commented loftily. "Unless he wants to stay with Fenz some more."

"I'll stay with you," Gaius said quickly. As nice as Fenz had been, he was angry over the fact that he'd just assumed Gaius would go along with whatever was planned for him. He had no real impression of Anrew yet. He figured if he was going to make a decision on whether he stayed with these people or not, he may as well get to know everyone as well as he could first.

"Great. Come on, then, let's find you a bedroll."


	5. Healing

Finding a spare bedroll proved to be more easily said than done. It took a good half hour or so until they located one.

"Not here," Anrew would say loftily. "Somewhere else, though, I'm sure." Gaius tried to think of some way to make conversation; he hadn't decided if he was going to stay with these people or not, but he figured one of the best ways was to get to know the people he might be traveling with. The only problem was, he wasn't entirely sure what to say.

"What made you join the Ylissean army?" he asked finally. Anrew laughed heartily.

"Don't tell me you think this is the army, kid."

"Uh, well…"

"The army's run by the Exalt, and he's just fighting to fight, same as Gangrel. We're fighting to try and save people, to help end the war. We're just a group of people sick of innocent people getting dragged into bloodshed that doesn't concern them." He motioned Gaius to follow him; no bedroll around here. "A lot of us have stories similar to yours, really. I lost my sister, Inda, to Plegia a couple months back." He continued in a carefree manner, as if this was something families talked about over dinner. "They took all the women from the town away. Alive, if they could. Or tried to, at least. We drove a lot of them off before they could do too much damage, but when the dust settled and the surviving brutes had left, Inda was gone. Nope," he shook his head, gesturing to the pile of items in storage that he'd just dug through, "not here. Somewhere else, then."

Gaius kind of stood in shock as Anrew started to leave him to look elsewhere for a bedroll for the boy. The archer didn't notice until he was several paces away.

"Well, come on then!"

"Coming…" Gaius murmured, letting Anrew's story stew in his head. Rather than letting himself stay a victim, he got over his pain and fought. He fought for his sister, not knowing what had become of her anymore. While Gaius still wasn't sure violence was the best answer, it did seem better than sitting around in an orphanage and not doing anything to help anyone.

They did eventually find a bedroll, which they set up in Anrew's tent. Inside the tent, it was fairly barren, save for the two places to sleep and a place to keep his bows and quivers full of arrows.

"It's not much," Anrew shrugged, "but it means less to carry when we move. And that's a plus for everyone, seeing as Risslyn's horse is the only one we have to help us cart stuff around. Anyway, make yourself at home. I'm gonna see if there's anyone who wouldn't mind sparring with me. Catch you later, yeah?" And with that, he was gone. Gaius sat on his bed for the night for a few moments, mulling over the day. Things were happening fast around here, and they seemed to be getting faster. Anrew's story ran through his mind again. He wondered what'd happened to his sister; if she was alive or dead, if she'd escaped, where she might be now if she was still alive. Maybe Anrew thought about it sometimes, too. Maybe he thought about it a lot. Either way, he dealt with it fairly easily, considering the story. He was a fairly aloof person, despite it all.

Of course, it probably took a while for him to get over what happened to him, but he was doing something constructive with his energy, rather than brooding about it. Gaius had to respect that. It seemed better than what he was doing.

_But violence isn't the way to fix this,_ he thought wearily.

He shoved his thoughts aside, tired of thinking about them, and went to go find someone who might need his help elsewhere in the camp.

In the kitchen tent, he found Annie making dinner for everyone.

"Anything I can do?" he asked quietly from the door flap. She whirled around, ladle in hand, her blond hair tucked behind a head kerchief as much as possible.

"Gaius!" she greeted brightly. "Come on in, I'm sure I could find something for you to do."

Gaius crept into the kitchen tent shyly as Annie stirred the stew pot. "How good are you at chopping veggies?" she asked.

"Uh," was Gaius's reply. His mother hadn't let him deal with knives very often; he was in charge of splitting wood after his father had died, stoking the fires, the chores he could do that his dad had done that his mother had decided he was old enough to do. He had very little experience with knives, specifically of the kitchen kind.

"Here, I'll teach you," Annie said. She motioned him over to the cooking table and to the block of wood where several varieties of vegetables waited for him, most of which he didn't recognize.

"We'll start with the leeks, since they're easy to cut. You take the knife, put your hand behind it, but still on the leek, and then carefully but firmly bring the knife down." She cut a row of the green-white plants into little rings, almost like magic. She did it a few more times before handing the knife to Gaius. "Go on, give it a try."

Carefully, he positioned his hand behind the knife, gripped the leeks, and brought the knife down. His cut was a lot less precise than Annie's had been; the leek bits were bigger than hers, and some of them didn't get cut clean through, causing him to need to saw a little bit to get through the extra leeks.

"There you go!" Annie grinned, slapping him on the back. He cringed; why did everyone in this group do that? "When you're done with the leeks, let me know and I'll put them in the stew." _Leeks in stew?_ Gaius thought to himself. They didn't look like they belonged in stew. Then again, he'd never had leeks before, so he really couldn't speak for whether or not they should be in a stew. "It's my week to cook, and I'm not too great at it," Annie admitted, turning back to the pot over the fire, "but I'm better than I was when I joined."

It seemed like the best opener he was going to get. "How'd you get involved with this group?" Gaius asked, continuing to cut leeks. Annie stiffened for a moment, then relaxed.

"It's not something I like to talk about," she said simply, not looking at him.

"Oh," Gaius said, feeling stupid for asking. "Sorry for asking," he offered.

"Nah, don't worry about it. You didn't mean any harm." She spoke as though she was trying to shake it off, like the story was a ghost that stared her in the face before she went to sleep at night. He finished chopping the leeks in silence. _I guess not everyone is able to act like what brought them here never happened to them like Anrew can,_ Gaius thought. That made him feel a little better about the ache and emptiness that still sat in the pit of his stomach.

"I'm done," he piped up once the leeks were all in assorted shapes and sizes. Annie looked up from turning some kind of meat on a spit that hung over the stewpot. She grinned and took the cutting board from him, sliding the leeks into the mix.

"I'll tell you a secret," she said, motioning to the meat. "If you cook it over the pot, the fat drips into the pot and gives it more flavor. Otherwise, the meat ends up being kind of tasteless."

"What kind of meat is it?" he asked.

"A wildcat of some kind, or so said Fenz, who killed and cleaned it." She shrugged. "It's meat, that's all that matters to me. You wanna cut the carrots next?"

And so Gaius started cutting the carrots, one at a time. The two of them filled the silence with casual conversation, or as casual as you could get given the circumstances.

"Nah, I like it here," Annie admitted once the conversation got around to it. "It's dysfunctional, and everyone is a pain in the ass at times, but I like it. I'm a part of something, and we're trying to make a difference. Plus," she added in a slightly less wistful tone, "learning how to kick someone's ass is a major upside to having been here."

"Do you think I'd be good here?" Gaius asked up front. Annie was easier to talk to than Anrew; she seemed a lot more real, in a sense. Like she didn't push her emotions aside to seem aloof or super okay with everything. She had feelings about things, feelings Gaius could connect to.

"I think you would," Annie admitted. "I think it would be good for you, too. But ultimately it's your–" she was cut off by a yell.

"Ow! Ow, ow, ow, pox and demon spit!" Gaius yelled, his hand flying to his mouth and tasting blood. Tears welled in his eyes despite trying to bite them back.

"Oh, gods," Annie said, swiftly crossing to Gaius. "Come on, let me see," she demanded. Gaius obliged, the pain greater than any physical pain he'd ever felt before. He looked down at his finger and shrieked. Blood was gushing from his finger, and the sight of it made the pain more intense. "You're okay," Annie said firmly. "Deep breaths, okay?" She pulled something that seemed like gauze out of her pocket and jammed it against where the blood was flowing from. "Keep pressure on that, alright? I'll be right back." And she was out of the kitchen tent in an instant. Gaius tried to take deep breaths, tried to keep pressure on the wound without making it hurt more than it already did, tried to stop crying. He could feel the blood seeping through the gauze and it made it hard to stay calm. That paired with the pain, it was nearly impossible, and with every exhale, he found himself whimpering a little. _You're going to be okay_ , he thought to himself shakily. In that moment, Annie burst back into the kitchen with a staff, a deep blue orb mounted on top of it.

"Gauze off. This is going to feel weird," she warned, her voice still firm and commanding. Gaius did as he was told and held his breath, as though that would make the pain go away faster. He closed his eyes, now knowing why the local farmer had swiftly killed any animals that were wounded beyond help. Behind his eyelids, a light filled the room, and his hand got warm and tingly, the pain somehow getting more intense but subsiding at the same time. The light dimmed out, and the pain was gone. Gaius opened his eyes and looked at his finger, which, aside from being a little redder than usual, was completely unharmed. All of the air he'd been holding in suddenly rushed out of him in amazement. Annie let out a sigh of relief.

"Gods, you scared me there, kid. What'd you do, mistake the end of your finger for the carrot?" She asked. Gaius tilted his head at her, not sure what she was getting at. "You managed to take the end of your finger off. Thank the gods you didn't hit a bone, that would have been even worse." She looked him over. "You alright?"

"Yeah," he said slowly, looking at his hand in awe. It was as if nothing had ever happened to it. She shook her head and leaned the staff against the wall.

"Be more careful, yeah? Come turn the spit while I finish the veggies."


	6. Around the Campfire

Annie's stew was a little bit odd tasting, but having not eaten a proper meal in over a day, Gaius scarfed it down like it was the best thing he'd ever eaten.

After the prayer to Naga, there was constant talking. It was hard to believe the company was so small for all the noise they made. It seemed as though if one person was talking, everyone was talking. They shared stories of the day, gave compliments and complaints alike about the food, and exchanged pleasantries.

Gaius ate in silence, soaking up the atmosphere. He didn't think he'd ever been involved in a group that talked more than they ate at meal time; his family had eaten in silence, and then talked while they cleaned up the dishes. That concept seemed foreign to these people, as they laughed and shouted into the night as they ate around the fire. It was easy to believe there wasn't a war going on, with how jovially they interacted.

"So, Gaius," Risslyn said at one point after she'd finished bickering with Enden, "what're you thinking as far as what you want to do tomorrow?"

"Um," Gaius replied. He was grateful that everyone else was enthralled in their own conversations; he could just imagine Fenz looking at him expectantly, Elis staring him down, everyone waiting to hear his answer. That was the last thing he needed. "I don't really know, exactly."

"Talk to me."

"Um, well…" Gaius tried to put his thoughts together. "I… like the company. At least, I know I really like Anrew and Annie. Talking with them really helped me start dealing with how to get over… what happened to my village. And I feel like being with you guys is a better option than sitting in an orphanage. Especially since I don't actually want new parents, I just want a place to belong, which, maybe that's here? I don't really know. But I really don't think violence will end violence, and that's what really bothers me the most."

Risslyn nodded. "Understandable, especially for someone who has been through what you have. I know this doesn't make anything any better, but we do only use violence when defending ourselves or others. We did try to come save your village; we just saw the smoke too late."

Gaius paused, considering this, then slowly shook his head. "I still don't think violence is the answer. Maybe that's because I haven't seen as much as you all have, or because I haven't had a chance to really defend myself… I don't know." He looked down at his stew bowl. "And maybe it'll change once I've seen how the world is outside my little… bubble. But right now… as much as I might hate them for taking everything away from me, they all have friends, and families, and people who are waiting for them to come home safely." He didn't look up at Risslyn; he was sure she saw him as weak, or naïve, or something. Conversation from the others filled what would have otherwise been an awkward silence.

She laughed, once, then slapped him on the back. "You're a tough nut, you know that kid?" She waited for a response, and when she didn't get one, she kept talking. "That's a good thing. You'll grow up to be a fine man, Gaius."

"I am a man!" he protested. She threw her head back in laughter. "I am!"

"Sure," she said after she'd stopped laughing, "and in a few years, you'll be a crotchety old coot, huh? I'm not gonna let you forget this moment, you know."

"Good!" Gaius replied, crossing his arms. "I never want to forget the time I told you I wasn't just a kid!" Risslyn went into another fit of laughter.

"How old are you, Gaius?"

"Eleven!"

Risslyn howled. Gaius kept his arms crossed and scowled at her. When she was done, she shook her head. "Moving on. You want to be a help to us without killing anyone, right? I think I have the perfect job for you. How would you feel about sneaking into a few places, retrieving some items for us, staying hidden…"

"You want me to be a thief," Gaius cut her off. He wasn't going to beat around the bush with her anymore. It just took up time.

"That's one way to put it…"

"That's illegal. If I'm caught –"

"We'll be nearby to back you up, firstly. Secondly, a good thief doesn't get caught, and you'll learn to be a good thief. Thirdly, if we're going by standards of the typical law, this entire war is illegal. But no one is really playing by the rules here, yeah? We're not getting extra points for being on our best behavior. You see where I'm going?"

Gaius sighed. "Yeah, I do, but two wrongs don't make a right. Just because they're not fighting fair doesn't mean we have to stoop to their level."

Risslyn shook her head. "No one is fighting fair right now, not Ylisse or Plegia or the bandits that are picking off towns laid weak by this war. Nothing about war is fair. If we're going to help anyone, we're going to need to do whatever we can, even if that means playing dirty."

He wasn't convinced, but he also knew that they might not have another place for someone who didn't fight the way he did. He wouldn't be able to stay with them. "I'll try it," he said, "but I don't make any promises about how long I'll do it. I'll think of something else if I decide I don't want to be your thief anymore."

"That's fair. Hey guys!" She yelled suddenly, trying to get the attention of everyone. It didn't work the first time; they were all talking at the same time about whose turn it was to cook next. It'd apparently turned into a heated debate. "Guys! _Guys! Hey!"_ Finally, Risslyn put two fingers in her mouth and let out a long, loud whistle.

"What?" they shouted back together.

"Gaius is on board. He's gonna be our little sticky-fingered infiltrator."

"Awesome!" Elis yelled. Everyone else joined in, agreeing. Gaius smiled a little. It wasn't his family, sure, but it felt nice to know he wasn't in this alone anymore.

"He's going to stay out of the fights, though. Until he decides otherwise."

"He should at least learn to protect himself," Fenz spoke up, shaking his head. "If something happens to him, he needs to be able to get out of whatever situation he gets himself into."

Gaius realized he hadn't thought Risslyn's offer of their backup through. There were a hundred things that could go wrong in just waiting for them to show up. Suppose they didn't know he was in trouble, or couldn't get there in time, or were busy fighting someone else.

He wouldn't kill anyone. But that didn't mean he couldn't defend himself. There was a difference between an intent to murder and wounding someone as a means of escape. He had to believe that; he didn't have another choice.

"Okay," he nodded. "You're right."

Enden spoke up. "There's a few extra short swords lying around that he can practice with," he offered.

"No," Gaius said immediately, "no weapons. Not if I can help it. There's got to be some way to protect myself with just… me."

"There are. Plenty," Risslyn replied. "I know a good bit, and I'd be happy to teach you. I'm already teaching Annie, and I'll probably start teaching Elis here soon, too."

"What?" Elis piped, voice squeaking. "No! I don't need to know any of that. _I_ can use my sword!"

"And what happens if you're disarmed? Fenz has his strength, Anrew has his speed, Enden doesn't have to worry about someone taking his tomes from him the way you have to worry about someone skittering your sword across the battlefield. Plus, it's just something good to know. Especially for someone like you."

Gaius wondered what that meant, and expected Elis to make a comment on it, but he just sighed and sat back. "Fine. Long as Whiskers will be there, too. Then at least it won't be so boring."

"It's settled then," Risslyn said before Gaius could ask anything. "We'll start training the two of you as soon as possible. For now though, it's Anrew and Enden's turn to clean up dinner."

"Yeah, yeah," Enden said, running a hand through his hand. "Come on, Anrew, you get the pot to the kitchen while I get the bowls."

"What? You get the pot this time! I don't want to have to smell the reek of Annie's stew in a concentrated area!"

"You watch your mouth, Anrew!" Annie marched right up to him and stuck an angry finger inched from his face. "I suppose you think you're such a great chef, especially when you 'accidentally' manage to slip your leather gloves into your gravies!"

"It was an honest mistake! Anyway, leather is edible!"

_"It was disgusting!"_

Gaius couldn't help laughing at them as they continued to bicker. Enden simply shook his head and started getting bowls while Anrew was occupied.

_They may not be the most functional group,_ Gaius thought to himself, _but at least they're fun to be around._


	7. Sparring

Giaus’s first lesson in self defence was on the road. They’d packed up camp early that morning, Risslyn itching to get moving.

“She always gets edgy after we can’t stop an attack,” Enden told Gaius when he’d asked. “It usually means they’re going to strike somewhere else close by, or they’re likely to find us in the middle of the night. The latter is preferable, of course, but she always gets worried it’ll be the former.”

Risslyn was atop her horse, scouting just slightly ahead when she called back to the company.

“Anrew, talk Gaius through the basics of evasion.”

Anrew grinned in his captain’s general direction before turning to the new recruit.

“Alrighty, kid, let’s say someone’s throwing a punch at you. Which way are you gonna dodge?”

“Um,” was Gaius’s immediate response, taking a moment to think.

“Nope, too slow.” Anrew made a single clicking sound with his tongue, swiping in Gaius’s general direction. “You’ve got a black eye, and you’re down for the count.”

“You didn’t give me any time to answer!”

“I gave you a split second to think about it, yeah? That’s all you’re gonna have when someone decides they’re gonna hit you.”

“He’d know,” Fenz said from behind them. “He’s quarreled with Annie enough that he learned from experience.”

“You bet he has!” Annie yelled, not even turning back to face them. She continued her conversation with Enden as though nothing had happened.

“Alright, so they’re winding up for another punch. They’re gonna come straight at you. Which way do you move?”

“Backward,” Gaius answered immediately.

“Nope! You move backward, and their momentum keeps ‘em moving forward, and now they have fallen on top of you. Since you’re a little guy, you’re stuck under them. They can now beat you senseless.”

“Oh, come  on,” the boy groaned. Anrew continued as if Gaius hadn’t said anything.

“When someone’s gonna punch straight at you, you want to duck down, and move either left or right. So, if you’re dodging a straight on attack, you move…”

“Left or right,” Gaius finished, only slightly peeved.

“Correct. Alright, now someone’s going to come at you swinging. You move…”

“Left or right.”

“Nope!”

“What?”

“Well, okay, this one’s a little less straightforward. If you have enough time to see what hand they’re leading with, and to react, you want to dodge towards the direction they’re leading. So if they’re leading with their left, you want to move to your right, and vice versa. But that’s only if you have the time to figure that out. The best thing you can do is to duck and move backward, because their momentum will pull them in the direction of their swing, not straight forward. If they’re rushing at you to swing...”

“Which often they won’t, that’s stupid,” Annie piped up, “they’ll throw themselves off that way.”

“.. then you want to duck down really low and hope they trip over you. Yes, it’ll probably hurt you, but if you stay rooted to the ground, they’re down, you can pop back up onto your feet and run. Make sense?”

“I… think so?”

“Are you lying to me?”

“No?” And technically, he wasn’t; it made sense, but he wasn’t really sure that he’d be able to do it in real life. He was quick, but he didn’t know if he was that quick.

Anrew stifled a sigh. “I need a volunteer to beat up Gaius the next time we make camp.”

“What?”  Gaius demanded.

“Me!” Elis said from beside Fenz. “I’ll do it!”

“Elis…” Fenz started, his voice colored with with warning.

“Come on, Sticks, let me fight him.”

Anrew shrugged. Apparently ‘Sticks’ was Elis’s name for the archer. “I don’t see why not. You’re bigger than him, but smaller than the rest of us. Annie?”

“What?”

“You mind standing by with a staff?”

She made a very non-committal noise. “I’m gonna need a new staff soon, mine is almost out of magic.”

“Can’t Enden just recharge it?”

“No,” she and the mage said together. Annie continued. “Get the okay from Riss to buy me a new staff in the next town, and I’ll play medic while you boys beat the crap out of each other. Otherwise, you’re on your own.”

“Magic is so weird,” Anrew murmured, just loud enough for Gaius to hear. Gaius nodded. There had been precious little magic in his village; there’d been the town healer, and occasionally a traveling mage would stay at the inn, but that was it. 

Anrew quizzed him the entire day as they traveled. They’d be talking about the weather, or past adventures the group had been through, or even having a conversation with any of the others, and suddenly Anrew would yell something like “right hook!” and expect Gaius to answer immediately. By the time Risslyn had found a spot to make camp, Gaius was mentally exhausted from the constant pop quizzes.

“Alright, everyone grab a tent and start pitching,” she commanded as she dismounted. “Elis, you help Fenz. Gaius, you’re with Enden. Annie, with me.”

Gaius gave Enden a nervous smile, and the mage returned it. The boy wasn’t sure what to make of the dark haired man. He wasn’t entirely sure he trusted magic as it was. Besides healing magic, he guessed. Annie’d saved his fingers, after all.

“Ever put up a tent before?” Enden asked. His voice was always surprisingly quiet, like he was afraid he’d scare off his listener like a frightened deer. 

“No,” Gaius admitted.

“Oh. Well, that’s okay. I have some trouble, too, so we’ll figure it out together.” He smiled gently. Everything Enden did appeared to be gentle. It was almost strange, especially for the image Gaius had always had in his head for mages.

He wasn’t kidding about having trouble with tents. Between the two of them, they were almost completely lost. After a while, Fenz came over to help them set everything up.

“One of these days, Enden. One of these days, you will learn,” he said as he instructed the two of them.

“That day is not today,” Enden finished, as though they’d had this exchange many times before. He winked at Gaius, and the boy got a feeling that this is how Enden’s tent got put up nine times out of ten.

“Can I beat up Whiskers now?” Elis called, and Gaius had to suppress a groan. Being hit by the kid who called him “Whiskers” wasn’t something he was looking forward to.

Annie sighed, then nudged Riss with her elbow. The commander looked up from what was apparently a checklist.

“I’m going to need a new staff in the next town. Doable?” Annie asked.

“Possibly.” Risslyn flipped to another page in her small stack of papers. “Probably.”

“You really oughta let me do some of the task management,” Annie teased quietly, poking Risslyn in the ribs. Before Risslyn could open her mouth to answer, Annie yelled to the boys, “Alright, you can start beating the snot out of each other now!”

Gaius had almost no time to react before Elis was on him. His mind went blank and, on instinct, he took a few quick steps backward. He realized too late that Anrew had warned him against that; he braced himself, expecting Elis to fall on top of him. But he didn’t. Elis had sprung backward, as light on his feet as ever.

“Oi, Elis!” Anrew yelled, “Easy! He’s not…”

Gaius didn’t get to hear the end of Anrew’s sentence; in his moment of distraction, Elis had tackled him to the ground. The boy raised a fist, aiming for Gaius’s face. In a panic, Gaius tried rolling to the side which, to his surprise, worked. Elis had a shaky stance over Gaius, and when Gaius rolled into one of his legs, Elis lost his balance and fell.

Gaius found his footing as quickly as he could, then backed off before his opponent could get back up. He tried to run over everything Anrew had told him on the trip in his mind. When to duck, where to go… for some reason, he’d thought it would make more sense in a fight, that it would come naturally. Now, though, he was grasping at straws.

He didn’t have any more time to think about it; Elis was back up, and already making his way over. As Elis jabbed, Gaius dropped to the ground, then moved to flank, assuming Elis would keep moving forward with his momentum. And then he realized, as he was already moving, Elis hadn’t done that the first time; why would he do it now? Elis hopped backwards, and Gaius found himself face-to-face with the boy. Without missing a beat, Elis swung at him, connecting with Gaius’s jaw.

Pain shot through his mouth, his head, even down into his neck. His ears rang, stars blotted out his vision, and a yell ripped from his throat. He tried to keep himself upright as his body tried falling over backwards. Only one thought crossed his mind:  I need to get away before he hits me again.

He stumbled back a few paces, gently prodding where Elis had hit, assessing the damage. Not that it mattered; he didn’t have time to take care of it now. Elis was already coming back, though this time his pace was slower, cockier.

“You’ve got a long way to go, Whiskers,” he said, trying not to smile. He swung again. Gaius didn’t have time to really think about it, he just moved; he ducked under Elis’s fist and around to his shoulder. He was open, wide open, without time to recover from his missed punch. Gaius balled his hand up, and let it come within inches of Elis’s wide-eyed face, before stopping. He didn’t want to hit him. More than that, he didn’t feel he could.

Elis sneered, then grabbed Gaius’s fist, twisting it behind his back with one hand, and putting him in a headlock with his free arm. “Say g’night, pussycat,” he said, just loud enough for Gaius to hear.

“Elis!  Elis!” Anrew yelled,  “Enough!” 

Not that that stopped Elis. Gaius’s vision was going dark around the edges; he reached backward with his free hand, trying to find anything to latch on to, to hit, to give him any kind of way out.

Another hand latched on to Elis’s arm, the one around Gaius’s neck, and wrenched it free. In a moment, Gaius’s pinned arm was free, too, and there were yells of protest and surprise from Elis himself. 

Gaius fell to the ground, coughing, trying to catch his breath. He looked over his shoulder to see Fenz with Elis slung over his shoulder like a sack of flower, and the rest of the group running over to them.

“Elis, what in the gods names…” Annie spat, crouching by Gaius with her staff. He braced himself for the strange sensations of healing as the orb at the end of the staff began to glow. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to it.

“I just wanted to win!” Elis yelled in defense. “None of you will seriously spar with me!”

“We spar  fairly, ” Risslyn shot back, voice cold. “You can  win against people who are threats, Elis. Not against anyone in the party.” She paused, waiting for a response. When she didn’t get one, she barked, “Am I understood?”

“Yes, ser,” Elis mumbled. 

Risslyn nodded, then looked to Annie. “The next time we stop, teach him offense,  and spar with him. Elis is to be in his tent when Gaius is being trained, at least until Gaius is able to hold his own against you or Anrew in a fair fight.” She looked at Gaius. “Fair?”

“Fair,” Gaius nodded, though he wondered if he’d ever be ready to fight Elis again.


	8. The First Battle

The days starting blurring together for Gaius. How long had he spent with the company now? Days? Weeks? He’d fallen into a routine with them; he’d even taken to helping Annie cook whenever it was her night. He’d trained with just about everyone in camp - even Risslyn - on the basics of weaponless combat. He wasn’t a fearsome opponent, by any means, but he could keep himself out of trouble. For the most part. The night he lost his mother still sat heavily in the back of his mind, but it only weighed on him when he laid awake at night.

He and Elis had crafted a strange, yet stable, sort of friendship. He was still banned from Gaius’s lessons, but he seemed to like having someone a little closer to his age than Anrew. Gaius has to admit that he sort of felt the same.

“So,” Gaius asked while they were on the road, “what’s with the nicknames?”

“What’d’ya mean?”

“Like how Fenz is Buddy, and Anrew is Sticks, and Enden is Mouse, and…” Gaius started ticking names off on his fingers, but Elis cut him off before he could finish.

“Oh.” Elis shrugged. “I’ve always been terrible with names. It’s just easier to give people nicknames, cause then I’ll remember them, and it’s just more fun that way. Plus, then you don’t have to wait for someone to tell you their name. Whiskers.” He gave Gaius a playful shove, and without hesitating, Gaius shoved back.

“I was raised to not give my name out to strangers,” he said, but Elis wasn’t listening. He was focused on something just above Gaius’s head. Without warning, Elis yelled something incoherent and pushed Gaius to the ground, pinning him.

“What are you…?!” Gaius demanded, face nearly in the dirt, but before he could finish his sentence, an arrow whizzed above where he’d just been standing.

“We’re under attack! A handful of bandits, left side!” Elis called to the rest of the party, then quickly helped Gaius to his feet before palming his daggers and looking to Risslyn. “I need orders!”

Risslyn stopped her horse and looked in the direction the arrow had come from, squinting. After assessing the threat, she said something to Annie, who stood at her horse’s side. Immediately, Annie began unloading their supplies off the horse and putting them in a pile.

“Anrew, return fire! Fenz, Annie, take the right flank! Elis and I will take the left! Enden, you and Gaius protect the supplies,” Risslyn commanded. Elis ran to Risslyn’s side, and she helped him up onto his horse. Everyone else took their positions as they were told. Gaius joined Enden by the supply pile.

“Two, four…” Enden counted under his breath. “six… eight foot soldiers. And two archers. One archer,” he corrected as Risslyn put her lance through one of them. “And is that…?” He squinted. “Mage!” he yelled to those on the battlefield, then pulled a tome of out of his robe. He said something in a language Gaius couldn’t even begin to comprehend, and rings of light and runes formed from the book, encircling Enden. Enden finished his spell, and the circles collapsed on themselves, forming a ball of energy that shot towards one of the enemies, who jumped out of the way at the last possible second.

“Take out that mage!” one of the bandits called as they ran for Anrew. Fenz blocked their path and engaged them before they could get to the archer.

The mage began throwing spell after spell at Enden, who returned their magic blow for blow. Now that the bandits had seen Enden and Gaius, a few turned to attack them. Gaius suddenly found himself dodging arrows, and watching as two burly men ran for him.

He forced himself to stay rooted to the ground; he widened his stance a little, as he’d been taught by the company when defending. An arrow hit one of the men charging, and he faltered, falling to the ground. The other continued on his course like nothing had happened. He swung his ax, and Gaius rolled out of the way, springing back up onto his feat and positioning himself to attack. It wasn’t until after he’d thrown a few punches that he realized he was too short to really hit any unarmored area on the brute. Even leather armor stopped fists pretty well.

He’d suddenly been reduced to zero options, aside from dodging until someone else could take him out. And he had no idea of when that time would come.

The ax came down again, just barely missing Gaius, who moved back towards the supply pile. He swallowed hard, trying to force down the panic that was rising in his chest. The bandit kept swinging, and he kept dodging, the axe just barely missing him each time. He knew he couldn’t keep this up for long; he’d wear out before his enemy would. 

He slid out of the way of another blow, tumbling into the heap of supplies. When he tried to push himself back up onto his feet, his hand found the hilt of a blade.

He didn’t have time to think about it, or to weigh his morals. He picked up the sword and struggled to stand.

It was heavier than he’d expected. He could lift it, sure, but he wasn’t sure how anyone could swing such a thing like it was nothing. This train of thought stopped just as the ax came down again, coming within a breath of his head. He lifted the sword, stepped out of the pile of stuff, and put all of his weight into swinging the sword.

It bit through the leather armor, but only just. Gaius felt like he was trying to chop down a tree, and barely managing to strip off the bark. Plus, the sword slowed down his dodging; he wasn’t sure where the thing started and ended, making him overcompensate for it’s size.

The more Gaius dodged, the more visibly infuriated his adversary became, and the sloppier his attacks became. He started leaving himself a lot more open in his attempts to pin down the boy. Gaius continued swinging the sword at him whenever possible, and he eventually started hitting skin. He winced every time he made contact with flesh, and tried not to look at the blood that poured from the wounds. He thought of his mother and father, dead because of people like this man. He thought of the friends and family the company had lost. And he thought about how this guy didn’t care about what kind of life Gaius had lead or would lead. All he cared about was seeing him dead. And all he would care about was seeing others dead.

A knot still sat in the pit of his stomach about killing another human being, but he didn’t have time to dwell on it; without warning, fire rose from the ground, engulfing the man. Gaius staggered backwards, dropping his sword and reflexively putting his hands in front of his face. The flames subsided as quickly as they had come, but before either of them could react, another wall of fire rose to swallow the brute. He dropped his weapon and fell to the ground, screaming in pain.

When the fire died, all that was left was a pile of ashes.

Gaius bit back tears. “Mom,” he whispered. Was that how his mother went out? Yells of agony, hoping someone would save her? He should have done something, he should have found someone, he…

“Gaius!” Enden’s voice interrupted his train of thought. Gaius looked up and around; the other enemies had been dealt with.  Dealt with.  He turned the phrase over in his mind. Like they were just problems. Mice that wouldn’t stay out of the pantry, or a table with a wobbly leg. Those were problems to be dealt with. Not the lives of people. Then again, Gaius had just been a problem to be dealt with to the man with the ax. He followed that thought, as though it were a string that wrapped itself around what he’d been thinking moments before, back when the man was still alive. Everything became tangled, a web of strings that became knots that he couldn’t undo.

The mage called his name again, followed by “are you okay?”

He didn’t respond. He tried to, but his mouth wouldn’t move. He slumped to the ground, unable to speak.

“Annie!” Enden yelled. “I need you!”

A blue light washed over Gaius within moments, but it didn’t seem to do any good. The world started to move out of focus, and he was vaguely aware of voices washing over him.

“It’s shock, he’s in shock.”

“Can’t you do anything?”

“Everyone move, give him some air.”

“What happened?”

“Gaius? Can you hear me?”

The voices seemed to get farther away, and the world slowly got darker.

Not knowing what else to do, he closed his eyes and let himself drift into unconsciousness.


End file.
